Break the Endless Cycle of Trying to Do Better, Be Better, and Look Better
How to Free Yourself From the Grip of Self-Help Culture and Learn to Grow Organically
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Western ethos is obsessed with the self-help industry. When you cease to believe you are enough, there is room for profit to be earned. Self-help is a multi-billion dollar industry, not because there is some secret society working to get you to buy more books, watch more lectures, or take more personal development courses, rather it’s because we are consumed with comparing ourselves with others. And not only are we consumed with comparison, but we are in love with the fact that each time we achieve a goal or we finish reading a self-help book, our egos are stroked and our brains are filled with dopamine — we’re addicted.
Do you want to get richer, smarter, become happier, more popular or even more confident? The self-help industry seems to have the answer. Or does it?
It’s easy to fall into the grip of self-help culture, thinking it provides secret potions for our biggest aspirations. Just look at the articles written right here on Medium — they’re articles that claim to have the recipe for how to be the most productive and articulate and sexiest person you can be, while neglecting to pay heed to what matters most, which is fulfillment. Will reading “Nine Steps to a Productive Life” in the hundedth iteration really make you a more productive person? I don’t think so. And are you really looking to be more productive or are you simply looking to feel more fulfilled in life? I believe we are pursuing the latter.
Self-help is an endless and costly cycle of fake fulfillment
The first self-help book I purchased was YOU ARE A BADASS written by Jen Sincero. The year was 2013. I was 23 years old. I had heard of self-help, but until this point in my life I had never dabbled. I bought the book. I finished the book. And I felt good about myself. So I bought another book. Then another. And the cycle continued until I realized self-help books weren’t actually doing anything for me.
I can’t tell you one thing I learned from reading the books I poured my time and money into. Not a single lesson. Nothing at all. But reading them and finishing them made me feel like I was doing something worth doing. In other words, the books gave me a mirage of fulfillment. A taste. A sample. But that’s it. Other than providing me a momentary feeling of accomplishment and a mere taste of fulfillment, they yielded no real return.
Not only do self-help books give you artificial feelings of self-satisfaction and motivation, but they keep you believing this notion that you have to do better, be better, and look better to be fulfilled. This is notion is simply a chasing after the wind. And the more we continue to buy into this notion, the self-help industry will continue to cater to it, while neglecting to give us the return we’re looking for — fulfillment. Because the fact of that matter is, those who profit from the self-help industry love that we continue to compare ourselves with each other. Comparison breeds discontentment and discontentment equals profit.
Stop pursuing self-help and simply be open to growth
Please don’t get me wrong. I think learning and growing are crucial. But I don’t think self-help is a very good catalyst for learning and growing. What if, instead of constantly chasing after this far-off idea we have of ourselves, we live contently in the moment while inviting tokens of wisdom and life lessons as we journey forward? What if, instead of explicitly pursuing better versions of ourselves, we allow ourselves to grow organically?
There are an endless amount of lessons for learning. They’re in the books you read for enjoyment and in the magazines you pick up at the grocery story. They’re in the shows you watch on Netflix and in the conversations you have with friends over brunch. They’re in your childhood memories and the struggles you faced growing through teen years. These are your lessons. And it is through these lessons you will learn the most.
Each day you touch your feet to the ground is another day to learn and grow, not into a far-off image that some self-proclaimed guru has conjured up for you, but into the person you are right now. Growing organically means being happy with who you are at this very moment, while also being open to and gleaning from the collection of lessons that create the totality of this experience we call life.
Carl Jung once said, “The person who looks outward dreams, the person who looks inward awakens.
Just take a moment to sit with that quote. Read it again if you must. There is wisdom in these words. And I think these words help sum up the self-help experience for most. Looking to the self-help industry for growth is to look outward and dream. Growth is birthed when we take a deep dive inward. Epiphanies and insights will flow when we spend time swimming through the innermost depths of who we are.
Final thoughts
Self-help culture is pervasive. It has spread through social media like wildfire. It has overwhelmed our bookstores. And it has greatly impacted how we see ourselves, cramping the heart and soul, and forcing us to chase after the impossible — perfection. But I believe we are reaching an end point to self-help culture, hustle culture, and toxic positivity. I believe looking inward for awakening and gleaning from the many lessons and tokens of wisdom life has to offer, will one day be the norm.
